Socialist Yuppies


Khasi: A Fulbright scholar, Harvard graduate, Marxist, Teaches marketing for a living.

Khabees: Super rich and good looking, thought he knew everything until he met Khasi.

Somewhere in Peshawar…

Khabees: Yo Khasi what is up man?

Khasi: Nothing much… *yawn*

*Khabees looks all concerned*

Khabees: Did you get enough sleep at night? Chatting is bad for .

Khasi: Ahan.

Khabees: Say some intelligent thing.

Khasi: Socialism is the solution to all problems that the humankind has created over the years and the promised utopia is not that distant a dream, if only the proletariat could rise up and grab the bourgeoisie by the neck and make them pay for the decadence that they have been spreading over the years. has reduced our morality to the level of the Neanderthals we don’t deserve to be called humans, our ways are defying evolution.

Khabees: Hmmm you are right, exactly my point, I am socialist and I am proud of it.

Khasi: *Yawn* Yeah man that’s cool, hey btw I heard they closed down Subway? Is it true?

Khabees: You know Khasi the problem with Peshawar is that we are dead city, so many paindo Pathans. We needs socialism.

Khasi: *Heh heh* waisay the KFC is bound to meet the same , they should offer a lunch deal, that way they will maximize their sales and as a result make the most of their untimely investment in this backward little place. It should specifically target the working professional who has an appetite for good wholesome American . And who can appreciate the effort behind it.

Khabees: Hmmm I thought the same idea. You know my chacha key Sali key friend’s husband is owning the place. Very nice chap, I told him to do that on wed-nus-day. You know the Subway in is selling like a hotcake man. It makes more money than the Pizza hut in Peshawar, yahan per logon ko samajh he nahi aati. Kher chalo lets go there before they close it down.

*Khasi and Khabees walk towards Khabees’s car.*

Khabees: Clean car is sign of sick mind, hain Khasi?? Hehehehe

Khasi: I think the recent growth in manufacturing thanks to the timely leasing facilities provided by the banking sector has opened a gateway for car manufacturers to invest in , in the coming years I am sure Honda will become a second tier brand as the and American car makers will target the Pakistani market and provide good competition to their Japanese rivals.

Khabees: Yes, exactly my point, competition! Honda is Better than Toyota. Very good power steering.

Khasi: *smirk* ahan.

*Khabees gets uncomfortable again, turns on his CD player *

*aja meri gaadi may baith jaa dhish dhish,
aja meri gaadi may baith ja dhish dhish*

Khasi: What the fuck are u listening to man??

Khabees: Huh? Wha? Haaan??

Khasi: Jeeez! Whats wrong with you? You listening to INDIAN!?!? songs???

Khabees: Huh, yes, NO! no marrra my fucking fucked up driver, he is keeping his CD in my CD changer. I will tell daddy to fire him away. I don’t use these bloody two number CDs.

*turns the player off*

Khasi: *heh heh* Soooooo Khabees listens to Indian songs eh??

Khabees: Oh yaaar, bachoon wali batian na kur, I only listen to Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan, the rest is all commercial yaar, I know that, I know…

Khasi: You should try Jethro Tull some time…..

Khabees: Hain? Who?

Khasi: JETHRO Tull.

Khabees: Oh yes yes, I used to hear it when I was in school. Very good songs, great guitaring.

Khasi: Errrr okay.

Khabees: So Khasi how do we make a socialism state?

Khasi: SOCIALIST state.

Khabees: Haan wohi wohi. Aik tu khafa bari jaldi ho jata hai yaar.

Khasi: Listen man, I am a Marxist and Karl Marx is my prophet, so WATCH IT.

Khabees: Huh?? But you said dat you were socialist??

Khasi: Errr? Whats the difference??

Khabees: *blush* Spellings??

Khasi: C’mon man, whats wrong with you? Marxism is a sub-branch of Socialism as advocated by the Great Karl Marx. He drew his thesis from the philosophy of Hegel, the economics of Ricardo and Smith as well as the French Socialism of the 19th century to come up with a critique of society. It has the potential to bring about revolutions and thus it is revolutionary, and also it is based on so that makes it scientific as well.

Khabees: *gulp* he must be Muslim.

Khasi: No he was a Jew who criticized Jews.

Khabees: Exactly my point, that make him a Muslim.

Khasi: HUH!?!? Listen dude, don’t bring into these things.

Khabees: But…. but… you said he was your prophet? How can you have Jew-ey prophet?

Khasi: I did? WHEN DID I SAY THAT? I only believe in Allah and his one last messenger Mohammad. hmm errrr lets not talk about shall we? Gives me indigestion.

Khabees: Phew! Yes yaar we should not discuss things that we do not know about. Allah maaf karay, oye my ami goes to Al Huda academy, she gave me wazeefa for indigestion. Want it?

Khasi: No thanks.

Khabees: Kher don’t worry I will chooof it on your Pepsi, Ami says it works better with sharbats, and Pepsi is a sharbat. Hay na?

Khasi: ?

Khabees: Acha sorry sorry man. We are Marxists, hanging crowd man hanging crowd. You know, party people, Islamabad crowd.

Khasi: Did your brother send you that t-shirt?

Khabees: Konsi wali? The one with the picture of Issa alayhay salaam?

Khasi: Sigh! That’s not Jesus man! Its Che Guevara.

Khabees: Huh? ‘6’ what?

Khasi: CHE GUEVARA!!!! CHE! CHE! CHE! That famous Cuban guerilla

Khabees: No, I think so he looks like man.

Khasi: Sigh!!! *slap on the forehead* he was Fidel Castro’s top lieutenant, I that guy he personified superman; good looks, principled, died for a cause. *sigh* wish I could have been like him. Look around you man, look at this filth, everyone is in this empty pursuit of riches, conformism runs in the blood of this nation, we blindly follow the image set to us by the corporations through their advertising and the Mullah by his loud speakers. The middle man is growing richer and fatter as we watch hopelessly, the MNCs are knocking on our doorstep, this will reach its crescendo and then there will be NOTHING, AND I MEAN NOTHING. The only that us Pakistanis have is that distant faint light of Marxism… that one tiny little that we have *SIGH* waisay what color did he send it in?

Khabees: Pink.

Khasi: PINK!?!

Khabees: Yes man, latest in Paris is pink shirt with white trousers.

Khasi: *MUAHAHHHAHAHA* Yeah for fagots it is.

Khabees: Hain?

Khasi: Are u crazy? You going to wear a PINK Guevara shirt???

Khabees: *Gulp* its made by Guki. Very expensive.

Khasi: Guki??

Khabees: Yes G. U. C. C. I.

Khasi: Hahahahahah Gucci you mean.

Khabees: *blush* nahi man, ho nahi sakta, it has double C in it.

Khasi: Khabees, LISTEN! I teach marketing for a living. I teach around 150 MBAs per year, I know my labels better than anyone else in Peshawar.

Khabees: *impressed* *blushing* waisay I am serious yaar, Mashallah you are bloody genius. *gulp* I wish I was like you, Marxist as well as a Marketing professor. Wah wah, m&m hain?

Khasi: *frown*

Khabees: Oye yaar don’t worry be happy, Allah kher karay ga. We are Marxists, party crowd, Islamabad hanging out. OYE shit oye! Bloody mullahs, why are they gathering outside KFC? Oye shit man they are breaking glasses with sticks. What is wrong with them, iss liyay tu yay mulk taraqi nahi kur sakta. I tell you Khasi these chaps are hypocrites, just simple hypocrites. Let us go to Pizza Hut.

first published on on June 13 2006, under my pen name Adam Khan

Published in: on January 7, 2010 at 12:55 pm  Leave a Comment  

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