Socialist Yuppies 2: Hanging Crowd

Characters

Khasi: A Fulbright scholar, Harvard graduate, Marxist, Teaches marketing for a living.
Khabees: Super rich and good looking, thought he knew everything until he met Khasi.

At a Dunkin’ Donuts outlet in Islamabad

Khasi: The problem with Peshawar in particular and in general is that we are under the iron grip of the Mullah, religious extremism is seen as a virtue and simple pleasures of life like dance and are banned under the puritanical interpretation that is being enforced upon us. The total absence of leftist politics is providing the mullah with a level playing field and he is changing the norms of this society.

Khabees: Exactly my point, we need the dance parties in Peshawar.

Khasi: The main benefit of such activities is that it opens up the society as a whole and prepares it for integration into the global culture. is one that any and every nation in the world understands. Besides this up gradation of our international image, these parties help people to pursue their own sexual preferences and as such helps people like gays and lesbians to come out of the closet, something that the Mullah doesn’t want happening in the society.

Khabees: That is what I was talking about. All Mullah are homosexual in childhood, their heads should be chopped off.

Khasi: errrr okay…. Is your friend going to call or not?

Khabees: Tu hosla ker yaar, eat another donut *bzzzzzz bzzzzzzzz* Oh! talking of green eyes devil here he is.

*Khabees talking on his mobile*

Khabees: Biryanii sahibbbb, we are here in your city brother. Where do we go? Acha acha thank you jigar we will be there. See you then hain. Okay yo, laters alligators.

Khasi: Who is this Biryani?

Khabees: His name is Bubber Sher Biryani… bohat chutiya insaan hai. He is from Peshawar, Magar he is in in Islamabad’s hanging crowd… you know, party people. One thing about him, he constantly spits in your face when he is talking. So you have to keep smiling even when he is doing that.

Khasi: Nice name, has he got any chicks?

Khabees: No the chicks has got him. Ahahahahaha. *ahem* what I am saying is dat he would not let any of his chicks go. But he loves to showing them off, and that is where our chance happens. *Rubs his hands together*

Khasi: Yes, Islamabadi babes can never resist Peshawari studs. *evil laugh*

Khabees: Especially the ones with the Gul Agha wali charas. *pats his pocket*

Khasi: Shush! Man, Big Brother is listening.

Khabees: Hain? Magar bhai jan is in Lundon.

Khasi: *Sigh* LISTEN man, first thing first its London, not Lundon. And the other thing is that when the girls come, you just keep smiling your pretty smile and let me do the talking. OKAY?

Khabees: ub aisee bhi koi baat nahi hai. I have had girlfriends too acha jee. *pout*

Khasi: errr yeah, the one who had a crush on Ajay Devgan?

Khabees: *Gulp*

Khasi: listen man, we are moving up in life, you have got to adapt to new things, just sit back and relax while the maestro is at work.

Khabees: *Nod*

Khasi: okay now let’s get going.

*A house in a posh neighborhood in Islamabad. Loud and dim lights*

Khabees: Fuck Man!! This is life, when will Peshawar be this maad-run?

Khasi: Soon man soon…. We offer the best charas in that must account for something. *Another evil laugh*

Khabees: Yeah man, OH LOOK there is Biryani, lets meet the bhainchood.

Biryani: Hellooooo, Helloooooooo, Hellooooooooooooooooo

Khabees: What is up my knee-ger?

Khasi: *growl*

Khabees: *Blush* aaa ahem, errr Biryani bhai, this is my good friend Khasi from Peshawar.

Biryani: AKHAAA!! Khashi. Aap shay milnay ka mujhay bara Ishfaq tha. *splutter splutter* At lashtly we have meaten.

Khabees: hahahahaha Ishfaq nahi hota Ishtiyaaq hota hai chutiyay.

Biryani: Oye, tu nay palty may rehna hai ya nahi hain? You third world, third glade pelson. *splutter splutter*

Khabees: Acha Acha meray baap. Tu jo kahay theek hai, bus?

Biryani: heh, chall theek hay *splutter*, she you Khashi. *splutter* Enjoy the evening. I will shpeshally put on Shakila for you.

*Both Khasi and Khabees wipe their faces*

Khasi: Who the fuck is Shakila?

Khabees: I think he meant Shakira, hahahahaha.

*A chick passes right in front of them*

Khasi: my o my, check out that denim my brother.

Khabees: Shit mara, Why did I wear my new jeans, you think I should tear mine quickly quickly?

Khasi: NO! listen, you go and start talking to her I will join you guys when you are in the flow. This is your training ground Khabees, just go for it, JUST DO IT.

Khabees: *gulp* YES. training! Fauji training!! okay. Ahemm

*Khabees walks towards the Islamabadi chick muttering “just do it, just do it.”*

*Loud in the back ground*

Khabees: ahem, excuse me!

*Chick keeps dancing*

Khabees: EXCUSE ME!!

Chick: huh? Yes?

Khabees: My name is Khabees, I belong to Peshawar.

Chick: Yeah? so?

Khabees: Do you have wrist watch?

Chick: HUH? Yeah?

Khabees: Will you give me some time??

Chick: OH fuck off!!

*Khabees runs towards Khasi*

Khabees: *panting* oye khasi, oye khasi, yaaaaaar bachi phans gai yaar.

Khasi: huh? Seriously? What did she say?

Khabees: *pant pant* she said “fuck you.”

Khasi: *SIGH* I told you NOT to talk to them, you are cramping up my style man..

Khabees: But butt..

Khasi: NO BUTTS. Sheeesh! Man, just stand back and let them come to us.

*Khabees pouts and looks longingly at that great piece of denim*

*After an hour of blink less staring*

Khasi: *frustrated* these shallow bourgeois bitches, time for plan B, take out the joints.

Khabees: Hain? Kiss kay joints??

Khasi: DAMN! Khabees, whats wrong with you? The charas wali K-2 you dumb fuck.

Khabees: oh acha acha, tu aisa bole na.

Khasi: Now listen you have to blow the smoke as far as u can, lets stench up the place they will come crawling on their knees.

*After four cigarettes of pure Gul Agha Marka chars, and not even a single girl interested*

Khabees: *dizzy* Khasi, yaar I think I am drunk.

Khasi: huh? We haven’t had a single can yet, what are u talking about?

Khabees: o nahi yaar, main charas pee ker drunk ho gaya hoon. Haiiii

Khasi: Chup chup, Bubber Sher is coming this way, act all cool.

Biryani: Showw!, whats happenin my dawgs? *splutter splutter*

Khabees: We want girls, GIRLS!!!! I say.

Biryani: SHUT UP! *SPLUTTER* Am I looking like pimp daddy to you? HAIN?

Khabees: Tu shut up kameenay, give me girls or I break your face.

Biryani: Hain!?!? break mine face?? HAAN MINE FASHE? *SPLUTTER SPLUTTER*

Khabees: Why you throw spitting in my face? Kuttay!

*Khabees spits on Biryani and then hides behind Khasi*

Biryani: huh? *growl* LUB NAWAZ!! GULAM RASHOOL!! Bahir phainko issay. And Khashi you get out as well. OUT OUT I SHAY!!! *splutter splutter*

*Khasi and Khabees sit stoned in their car, driving back to Peshawar*

Khabees: Bayghairat loag, this is not how u treat guests hain Khasi?

Khasi: heh fucking Punjabis, bayghairats. All they do is fart and dance.

Khabees: I think saved us from all the gandi larkis of Islamabad. I was disgusted with that place when I got there man. Mera tu dil kharab ho raha tha. These people don’t even keep roza during Ramazan you know. Very disgusting.

Khasi: Yeah man, those girls would have been all over us if we had lit one more joint, a few of them noticed us by the 3rd one.

Khabees: Allah maaf karay, what bayghairat people mara, how can they let their dance like that? And I wanted to kick Biryani’s butt, but then I thought that Holy Prophet (P.B.U.H.) always forgave his dushmans. Afoo and Durguzar you know. These people will burn in hell because na mahrums are not allowed to dance together in . I have seen it in the Quran.

Khasi: Thank Peshawar is safe from such filth.

Khabees: *Contented Smile* Alhumdullilah! We are not hypocrites like them.

First published on Chowk.com under my pen name Adam Khan on August 6th 2006.

http://www.chowk.com/articles/10905

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Published in: on January 7, 2010 at 1:05 pm  Leave a Comment  

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